Friday, September 26, 2008

What I wish someone had written me.

Dear innocent friend

Welcome to university, yes the one you dreamed about. It’s beautiful and everyone appears so friendly but remember it’s only the exterior.

Arriving ‘single’ to university may make you feel that it is the perfect time to find a boyfriend who studies at your university to avoid the long distance thing. House Comm will tell you not to hook up with someone in your dining hall – Live this advice – it is awkward! Another trend among the Rhode’s senior guys is seal clubbing. This is when older guys take advantage of young innocent first-years. Avoid getting drunk and ignore lame pick-up lines and you won’t be clubbed.

You may think this through more clearly and decide that a third year guy will probably be best. Yes, this will ensure that he is mature and because he will have his own busy schedule what with work and commitments that you will still have plenty of time to make friends, go out and manage to pass your first year at varsity. This is a lie and don’t believe it for a second. What everyone fails to warn you against and what you most desperately need to avoid is getting puppy-trained. Puppy-training is a little game that senior guys love to play. You are the puppy while they get to play puppy-trainer. The fact that puppies want to play at night while their owner wants to sleep can make the puppy-trainer not love the puupy anymore and it gets abandoned.

So when choosing your first boyfriend at university avoid third years because you are NOT a puppy. Also you will get warned against guys from Smuts but the silent bastards are worse. If a guy is so involved in his res’ sports team, stop talking and keep walking. There is only one thing worse than coming second to his work – it’s coming second to his res.

So go out there and warn all the guys that they shouldn’t play games with bitches who know how to play them better.

Yours in avoiding getting your heart broken

Tough LOve

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Posted by Tough LOve at 3:46 AM